Category Archives: IRL

Three pets, Anti peeves

Our families and me growing up, first dog, Bamse is my fondest memory and is today I remember him well. He was as slow moving runaround but on lace he dragged us in the snow on sled as the Saint Bernard he was.

Our first rabbit Stampe who lived an unusual long life. It ran away from home so many times but we always lured it by playing in the grass or it came back when we could not find it. Stampe was an all black rabbit.

Our walking stick who did not have a name and we never could find him. One day our house nanny was napping and found it was walking on her. How that actually was possible and where it had been hiding was at topic of the day.

Or as the pack of pet, the three huge Samoyed dogs at the Helmer farm, where I spend much of my youth, was a quite frightful experience as they where guard dogs and lived outside. We had deep respect for them but did get to pet them when they came to us.

Everglades National Park Service – Please don’t feet the wildlife sign

Donald L. Hicks

Those who teach the most about humanity, aren’t always humans

My life in seven years

My life in seven years

I’m in strong belief that Nikola Tesla’s vision of free energy someday will become a reality and if they don’t do it fast enough cheap, let it disrupt the energy marked in such a way that it holds true to his dream for all of us. Seven years from now I expect much will happen, as these past seven have been quite crazy with many profound events. Just this year we created the tiniest led of 1 wide. I dream that my next base will be my forever home and at this place, I will share the experience of holding hands, every day, with my better half while observing the KIC 9832227 meeting and exploding of the pair, as a “red nova”, giving us a brand new body near Deneb on our night sky.

My goal for 2018 are manageable as it always was to set up base and gather my wolf pack in order to wake up in a home among the hills. We will have fun preparing for an extreme ice-age weather scenario that eventually will hit us for sure. That Do drink WATER everybody. Ppls do you have a glass bottle of water next to you? Looking way ahead in a plausible future without abundance, one can easily imagine the natural introduction of rationing several commodities and in case of rising water or ancient atmospheric compounds returning to our environment it may overall become a tad harder to breathe. We may be able to live with these dangerous events but I hope that God will not let us lose our giants along our way and as an optimist, rising waters do give whales more space. 

Our life with enhanced biology

Within seven years we will see full body suits for remote immersion and selfie 24/7 drones for the perfect picture are common among some along with problems passing borders and clearing customs due to metal in limbs and artificial teeth. Let’s talk 70 hours time just that short a window the next big thing will explode world wide. Maybe a new device is introduced. A pair of cool specs goes general available that among all the other cool connected commercial stuff besides actually understanding what you say, they also micro analyse faces, who tells truth and what is the facial intent.

Let’s consider something very contemporary. The first true mutant super human will probably be born due to some neural network editing human genes into a super. Who knows where that will take the human race in 10.000 generations. And there is maybe 30 years until we spark artificial intelligence. An Adave1, like that, is a program with severe unforeseen flaws but might none the less in its lifetime eventually master mind reading and teach us all meditation while others are playing with the machines.  

Our life with automation

Automation was already here earlier as such it is accelerates jumping the chasm that probably ultimately being accepted around 2021 will forever change everything from global logistics you name it that’s is when if the consumers will feel the impact of true globalization between nations. The application of the technology will follow and have cognitively matured around 2035 which is still far off. Many new robots will be introduced before 2025 thought. Knowledge banks, butlers, police, bodyguards, food stations, drinks mixers, friends, run time translators, lawyers, sex machines, music composers, decision making matrices, farming bot and even creative bots for tattooing, drawing, authoring and designing.

Within the next seven years it is plausible that a follow me bot or some other drone or device will grant owners access to a virtual worlds. When the robots do the designing of new technology the pace will accelerate to a higher frequency above Moore’s law so what comes next will be very interesting.  I believe the first business area omnipotent robots will help us solve fully is logistics. My most comforting thought is that the robots will most likely help humanity transform our economy to be resource based.  

Our life with climate change

Ice-age or rising water. If our mother steps up…many will die and current plans will be spoiled profoundly. Did you kiss your better half today as if there is no tomorrow? True, it is unfathomable but sadly not an unlikely scenario, says even experts. Let’s pray that disaster will not happen and for commercialization of the solid state battery.

My relationship status

Current relationship status (The I Blog)

My relationship status, Ha. I have been procrastinating to the max to avoid writing this blog but I know I have to. I love deeply and always invest everything that is me, in a relationship. What a seriously stupid thing to do. I refuse never to not love myself a huge load again. We could call it risk mitigation, which is also a competency I have practiced to skill during many years of entrepreneurship. Only a few people have lots of chances, some have several but most people only have one or none at all. I just blew it big time throwing everything in the air well knowing the challenge of catching it all coming down. Me, always being the loner, did not perform at my best in this situation and I’m grateful to have a strong family backbone for support. Some philosophers say that if your fully mentally developed you will not change over time but trauma, such as PTSD, does exactly that no matter how complete you were. I was at the top of my game. As incensed to learn even more as I write this blog in grave pain. My chest hurts and I’m exhausted.. was left hanging eroding over a long time, alone and finally discarded. My relationship ended as one severe human rights violations of sorts. Maybe even eligible for a lawsuit, but I will not do that. After having gone through three costly litigations, all of which I won, I know that it does not matter who is wrong or who is right. Lawsuit would be trolling and unkind. You owe nobody nothing Mr. Toudal, only yourself . Just start living already, why don’t you.

I managed to reside in a long distance relationship, by being the best of friends, waiting for my girl for six odd years. In the end we suffered a bad breakup as I were the horrible option. It is not a first time experience for me as I have lost big before but nothing alike compares. My mind is going bonkers. What is wrong with me. Why am I not enough. Science say I will be heartbroken way into a return ticket from mars. Reflecting on everything, I have major regrets but my story is my burden and my burden alone as such I will not divulge details. It is a bad story on me that both make me look like a total and complete moron but it would also put my x-girlfriend on the spot. She killed me, many times and now all these shitty things eats my mind and my soul griefs to makes my sleep incoherent. I am not jealous guy but very destructive or so it seems. I replay memories. Truths, lies, manipulation and deceit. It flabbergasts me how I could remain at bliss so long. Calm may be a superpower but in hindsight it was really just super stupid to consent to someone who makes it obvious. Good guys never finish, they just slow burn. That is me in life, both professionally and privately. Michael Toudal is the wild black horse in pile of offers, the wild card, the joker, the bad-boy-genious everybody copy, the inventor corporates shadow meet oh the human exploits. All I ever wanted was to love big, feel loved back, belong somewhere and be with someone who gets me. Someone who gets all excited when I asks: ¡Let’s go play! ¿Who wanna build a snowman?

My x had a horrible track record of asshole boyfriends. My mind rests at peace realizing she is happy and that I changed her story. If asked she will have to confess that her x-boyfriend was one of the really good guys. I don’t need a mirror to spot I am a superhero. We mature with damage, not with the years. Life humbles us as we age especially when we realize just how much time we waste on inordinate nonsense. With no rich parents, no handouts, no favors just straight up hustle all day everyday the most important thing every man should know, is what he is willing to die for. I know what I would die for and I did. I took one for the team. Me and my x laughed, cared and lived but just like when you feel a malignant itch coming it helps to expose yourself to new adventures. To be perfectly honest as the humble and timid monkey I am. I feel proud and much like Hiro’s baymax system. I did something great for someone special. Something not many would have committed to, dared to begin nor dreamed see to the end. If it is within my me I will do what it takes, mostly because my mum taught me to stay strong, pursuit dreams and never ever give up.

The damsel-in-distress scenario challenge evokes many emotions and my knights armor was never shining but worn and battered. I saved my damsel for all the right reasons, but in the end it did not matter how I sacrificed myself. As an entrepreneur I was careless and slowly blew away the advantage I had worked so hard to obtain. Thinking she was my arrow, I know now she was not. She taught me to focus through the clishmaclave of my mind but to what extend and at what cost. It is many weeks ago since I last time wrote a blog. Today, as I write this, my left eyebrow is split and my knuckles bleed and hurt. I will get over this. Psychologists write to fix a broken heart you have to let yourself love even more. That is impossible due to my emotional life is mature and I know myself very well. I had the most beautiful and innocent woman. When timing was perfect she choose to post traumatic grow without me. Though not leaving out any scenario I should be true to myself and live by my words even though they came from craziness. Where do you see yourself in five years, then what about 10 or 20. There is no doubt in my mind. I must give my best and most radical invention back to mankind through the open source society. I was designed to create something beautiful and have a list of 50 quite (in)sane ideas I usually pitch to anyone willing to listen but the idea topping the list, I do not. It will take me years to create but no matter my financial status this one will fly both to protect me but mainly to disrupt the existing status quo. The few people who could actually fix this flawed environment are so self righteous they accept being sloth not utilizing talent. Evil is as evil does but the worst of all evil is seeing the right path, choosing to be content with things and do nothing.

This paper town of a planet needs to be awoken. Though my faith challenges me I still hope someone will create some of my ideas even before I do. It is usually as such that if one come up with something, somebody, somewhere else has the exact same idea. Kind of like universal synchronicity. It is always all about the execution and it would make me truly happy to see a sign that our planet is healing if just half of all original ideas of creations plays out. Some of these ideas really don’t cost much and with a little effort could move billions of credits around the system. I have to find home grounds so I will survive until our world levels. Also it was never my responsibility to carry the weight of the world. I vested that burden on myself. Good job f*ng yourself over Mr. Toudal but please continue as you were, life never told you stop (-:

A fruit I dislike

Magic berry

To my knowledge no fruit exists that I dislike. Those who know me, know that I eat and enjoy eating almost all things. Every day I make shakes with lots of seeds, fruits, vegetables and berries. Maybe if I consumed an African magic berry I would dislike both strawberries and melon but then again, maybe they just have to be treated accordingly. That is why this blog should be about the rotten kind.

Rotten fruit

There are many types of rotten fruits. Our planet is not a kind place and it has never know peace. On average the human monkey scheme, slander, trap and plan cruel actions. When I was employed by IBM I was taught not to unhook nor penetrate where we should not. It is not in the spirit of blue IBM. Also unhooking behavior is considered juxtapose to devious, and both savage and brutal evil that in turn, like karma, eventually would be measurable on our bottom line. I am totally aligned with this mindset. Several times in my business life my company have experience unhooking. One of these companies is currently under scrutiny for corruption and the management is being legally crushed. Grateful that those who can actually do anything about such things doesn’t turn their blind eye.

To accentuate without name dropping a specific rotten fruit. “Somebody” stole the source code of one of my private hobby projects by accident. It was an algorithm that might eventually have solve the impossible puzzle contest for a million dollar. Though the algorithm was far from complete the idea how to address to problem was so smart I tell ya. The rotten fruits had no clue to what they had acquired…

Today I know, via logic deduction, who it was back in the days that made a data burglary at our office. It was as early as 2006 but Opiin was already a clouded SaaS architecture as such there was no disruption to our production systems and our customers did not experience any downtime. We lost a bunch of documents and had to rewrite things like internal documentation, bookkeeping, contracts and our pipeline was exposed. The only real setback was we did not recover a distribution agreement we had been negotiating with a Norwegian company. It’s not being Sherlock Holmes or anything. The question is really just to identify the motive and then continue deduction observing years of business Denmark. It is much like when your mind return to a memory and eventually come up with a plausible answer to that situation. I ended up having a name for a sit down if I was ever asked to name someone for a dinner arrangement or alike. Of course the dialog would be totally off the books.


Life events like this can be game changing and the impact was considerable for my private life. Our office and business location was the basement of my private home. To my family the feeling of security and privacy in our own home was disrupted. We did not claim any insurance, only peanuts for replacing my laptop and a couple of hard disks cut out of the servers running our test environments. As a business we really lost a lot of intellectual capital. We should have fetched a pile of gold but due to miserable journalism and the mistrust of what and why this actually happened we did not.

It was a lesson learned and we managed to stay alive, yay. We also established a hole new set of physical security and established processes for various critical areas. How fortunate our business architecture, already then, was so mature and much ahead of everybody else.

Feelings on ageism

When we get that Oldfield’n

Who would not want to grow old if we had the chance and was asked lets ¼ into our lives. How old do you think you are when you die? Life humbles us we age we realize how much time we wasted on inordinate nonsense. We mature through reflection and with the damage, not so much with the years. Being patient and behaving calmly is a superpower that grows with age. Me bees ‘n insects, in my mind, have learned how to react with sensitivity and manners in hard situations. That is mostly everybody’s experience. Take a look in your mirror, when you need a superhero. Act ancient and be grateful. We have survived everything we have put ourselves through. Try to find light in any hard situation. If we pretend to have designed every single one of our challenges ourselves. It makes it easier to enjoy life. Laugh and care. A spartan knows what he will die for and most importantly where in life he is at rest. When we are dead, we don’t know that we’re dead.

Gamification of complicated

Though grateful to be able to stay fit, my feelings on ageism is much aligned with most people my age. We don’t want an old body. There is a lot of dangerous thinking being funded to circumvent aging. Genome editing is just the worse. It is my firm belief, that we should stick with nano robots cleaning us from the inside. It is the safe and the sound way to go about the ethical dangers. Nano robots to maintain against blood cloths is already in use for some super rich guinea pigs and the full scale of this technology will be general available around 2050. Until then, be your best version and try live a healthy and sweet life.

A book you love and one you didn’t

The latest book I loved reading

It took me three weeks to finish this 3rd grade children’s book in Spanish about the boy Topper, whose father is a sailor on a long-haul. He is very bored until one day he finds a magic pencil. Everything written with the pencil becomes real so clever him draws a life size rhino on the wall in their 2nd floor apartment. Boredom is over as Otto is a rhinoceros.

This book was a great 1€ bargin buy at the Re-Read used book store. The story was concocted by Ole Lund Kirkegaard, a Danish author of children’s literature, as such the story is familiar to me and a good way to learn reading and understanding better Spanish.

A book I didn’t like

Well it wasn’t written by Gary Gygax nor had drawings by Larry Elmore. I read a hundred pages and if the book is no good, I discarded it. I do recall that actually ever happened. Maybe because it has been ages since I actually sat in the shade of a tree and read a book (:

What tattoos you have and if they have meaning

Have you lived before? One of my recurring dream concepts is events as a gladiator fighting and winning in the arena by swords. I have many tattoos, they all have intimate meaning to me. Maybe it is the pain of undergoing hours of intense stress with the sole purpose to remember something. The tattoo on my right calf of my leg is my most resent tattoo. It was made in Barcelona. The future time of our universe is not written yet, it is only scripted. Sometimes things that take place seems like misfires. I felt deeply about the death of Chris Cornell for reasons I will not disclose. Dark places in my mind are not unfamiliar to me. This time around, I want it to be old age that takes me out. A scientific spaceship as discovery and learning. A mountain as the journey and the challenge. A morning star as every new beginning. I love the cover art of his latest album Higher Truth. To me it is both a reminder to persist and stay vigilant in life and also that life is painful, especially if it is lived right.

My tattoo is turned upside down as I promise never to take my own life unless it is the end.

Someone who fascinates me and why

Jacob Barnett

In 2016 I was volunteering as a special consulting teacher to a student with autism. My student, Anton was amazing. His mind and his memory enables him to draw and hack IT with unnerving precision. He was recluse but became interested. Anton is one of my hero’s. Do you know a feeling while reading lyrics, reading a book or seeing a painting, that you get it, and if you had ever meet that person you could have intervened, become great friend or just been there. It is a great burden to bear the deepest thoughts when exactly that often comes from a shadowy universe. Creativity and learning are painful experiences.

In research literature, the term child prodigy is defined as a person under the age of ten who produces meaningful output in some domain to the level of an adult expert performer. It actually requires brilliants to survive either as a creator, poet, painter, author or inventor. Especially on a planet as rat and ferocious as Earth. I am grateful for our smurf DNA contains the likelihood that brings around morning stars like Jacob Barnett and I am so happy he was born in a time and age where prodigy children was not cast before the wolves or lead another simpler faith. Jacob!!! You are my super hero!!! Please prepare yourself a list of happy memories to recite and manifest in your mind to block and sidestep any line of thought or situation in the future while discovering new cognitive dissonances.

Everyone reading this. You are my hero’s as well and I am grateful that your here. Curious as to how you found my page but never the less grateful. If I could leave you with one thing let it be this. Realize how powerful your thoughts are and you would never think a negative thought again. I believe many of my hero’s are suffering in their mind. Thoughts echoed in variance often resolve from a very lonely place… This blog is written to Jacob Barnett and since I hope you might read this blog I will crow this is important. Stay alive Jacob! Be in it for the long game. When thought gets though and rough, I propose all the triggers..pets, forced smiles, sunshine, hugs and activation of happy chemicals even though it does not feel right. We need you smiling, old and wise to think it. Do it in time, and go see strange stories to learn. You are what you eat Jacob. I trust you feel all this come for a kind place and is a old vikings way of offering a token of friendship. Stay strong ‘n curious for all of us.

We have to look to our youth because that is always where you will find our future. We have several extraordinary children out there and a some of them do really interesting work. The child inventor Jack Andraka who because of his parents death invented a simple and fast test method to test cancer that revamped research and parts of the healthcare industry. An invention that cost him 1500$ and made him millions. All of that was possible in the first place because of another super hero wonder child Aaron Swartz had and idea about an open library who was sued by the government for placing scientific data into perpetuity. Aaron was nine years old when he participated in creating the RSS protocol we all use today and still very young when he sold Reddit to Condé Nast. Aaron eventually hung himself. Today Aaron the youngest member of our Internet Hall of Fame. Whether it is bad medicine or medicine in general. A society that do so much harm to outliers scares me.

My children fascinates me and I am a so proud. They will exceed me soon enough and beat me in my own game. My oldest have chosen to merchant and he operates with easy not caring that public domain does not equal public access like his farther. In a utopia there is a system that support and catch outliers and history proves that these outliers sometimes are the extraordinary people that amazes us all. Jacob Barnett is such a person and has the potential to change everything. Jacob is nominated as a 2018, 30-under-30 candidate but even though he diffidently lack what my son does best. Jacob is the brightest star on the list and was only 13 when he became a published physicist. Never dwell and decide it’s over, instead use the circumstances and the thing that propels you forward in life. May you be happy and live long enough to create that exciting technology your destined to uncover.

A place I would live but have never visited

Antarctica would be too rough even for me the great viking I am. A place with whales would be nice or a foreign planet. It could be a fully immersive holodeck. Jumanji would seem fun and work for me these days. Or the tallest building to wait for comment< Michael you wrote you would never visit those countries unless somebody paid you! Just to reply ’cause the Dark Tower is depicted as being over 1,500 meters (5,000 feet) tall to leave the comment corrected. Maybe Wonderland or Tomorrowland or even Neverland as long as I was allowed to remember my family and return to my farm every year to plant smultron.

On my list of things to do before I die are many obvious locations that would be breath taking choices. Living close to the Dolemites with my italian friends from language school would be the BoOM. Jajaja, me this time around not behaving perfectly blind of course. Today is valentines day and nuts sleeping alone not sending candygrams. Ancient Rome would fit the theme as this day in the past may have been much like a sexual Christmas. A place in time would be my choice. If it could be in time, I would want time to loop forever.

10 interesting facts about me

Facts about me

Tomorrow is valentines day the 14. February, 2018. I am online my laptop, in an apartment in Barcelona where I share a flat with two girls. Alex from Spain owns the place and rents out rooms. One room to Flór from Uruguay and another to me. During the past years I have lived with many people from all cultures and made many new friends. Some totally awesome others like….please stop that and my head is spinning and I really need to sleep.

1 My personality

When I got my papers as an I/T techie hacking nerd I applied for a couple of cool jobs within my sector and got them both. My one application was accepted with an invite to go on a weekend workshop in Sweden with a couple hundreds of students fresh out of university. We had to endure various tests in a Disney cast setup to measure how we performed as individuals, and as individuals in different groups. If you were one of the few at the end of the weekend trials, you received a personal assessment report and a job offer. My evaluation stated I was Mickey Mouse. I was so proud to read what the instructors had noticed about me while working in groups. I stayed with IBM for five years as such my personality very much has blue mindset both indulging the corporate chin as a team player as well as excellent individual levels of capacity for empathy and abstraction. Bleh (:

2 My style

Was a suit and a tie, putting decaf in the coffee maker for weeks and once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Always in a state of under construction ordering diet water at restaurants with a serious face and drive-trough orders “To Go”. Even now I look like a battled viking nomad with savvy track record. It is time to revamp Hans Clodhopper. Anyone out there who can tell me if horny is an emotion that would be interested in helping a fellow and go shopping?

3 My hobbies

I have to say imaginary women. I have no hobbies as my hobby has become my job in my life. I work out to keep fit and consider food a form of self respect. In truth, the answer to the question what did you do today, is often what you are passionate about. How a person response to that exact questions, truthful or not, both reflects the agenda and who they really are. Well, I skate a lot and still try to remember to boulder once in a while.

4 My Tamagotchis and other pets

Who says millennial’s can’t handle adult responsibilities? After the tamagotchi toy’s released worldwide, millions bought the digital pets, tiny pixelated pals that needed to be cared for, fed and cleaned up after. How many forgot to love these not so fury loved ones before their batteries eventually ran out? In my adult life I have owned several tamagotchi’s, all of which are gone, and one real life pet. Mojo was my rabbit for 12 years before it got sick and had to be put down. This was a rough day for me. Mojo was my friend and a “tame” wild rabbit, never caged. Mojo was living along side me in my house and was potty trained. Quite early I found a way to break his rabbit instinct to hide stashes of food around the house. It was a great comfort having my friend rabbit running infinity circles around my feet while I was creating applications by writing sourcecode on my workstation.

5 My heroes

Elon Musk took a stand before it was trendy — when in fact it was dangerous. He was one of America’s first young money billionaires from his early entrepreneurial adventures. With one of the largest sum of money in the world i decided to invest it all to change the world. I will not say much other than he is one of our times superheros who stand up for what he believes, he stands for all of us, again and again, despite the odds. In celebration of the man, Meredith Perry is the female counterpart to Elon. Even though she does a lot of business with countries I really dislike, her science and inventions will change the world for the better. Both these two hero’s are next-level activists – man and woman with an unshakable belief that there is a greater good and that it’s worth fighting for. My own vision is to drop in, maybe twenty years from now, and share a little something with everybody. And my invention got dimensions not unlike the thought of an infinity sided dice!

6 My mind

Nibble, Hug, Cuddlefuck, Fuddleplug, Tease, Suck, say> Eye spell> MAP say> Ness, Fuck, IT, Stolen, Tits, Piss, Shit, Ass, Cunt, Pussy, Lick, Gag, Dick and a Stick. Do Once, Do Twice, Do Trice, Do Once Every Waking Hour. Hard, Colors, Kisses, Steamy Wishes, Tips and Toes, Grapes and Berries, Boobs and Buts, Talks, Walks, Respect, Listen, Spoil and Adore, Disciplines, Eyes, Endless, Senseless, Soul, Ride, Convulsion, Own, Moan, Blush.       Repeat.

7 My believes

If our planet have extraterrestrial visitors then the human monkey is a reality show in a far away galaxy and in turn, A.I. is here already. In a off chance that this is actually the truth then Jesus our Savior might be nothing more than a misbehaving alien rich kid, handing out weed and pulling the legs of the monkey. Unlearn what we have learned. That’s the spirit. We are souls of ancient energy, living a human experience. Karma does not exist. That or either I was a really cruel person in a past life or maybe the exception that proves karma does in fact exist. We are all the same, interconnected through our unconsciousness facilitated by our mother entity (Earth, Sun) but unreachable to most of us. If Alexander the Great had not burned down the Library of Alexandria, we would still to this day would have the Bible of Virgin Mary. I do believe the bible is a profound truth but I strongly believe our planet would be in a very different place if her books had been uncovered and studied also.

8 My tendencies

Hard working, optimist, questioning norms, doodling, check-lists, dreaming the impossible while hoping for something real. Check out my bucket-list.

9 My ancestry

It seems to me, our world evolves around greed, lust and anger. This rule is of unpredictable quality and is frankly emotionally-unpleasant. That is why traditions and celebrations are so important to me. Even more so if I had a girlfriend. Our body is a sacred gift, shared or projected, will change the partners life through imprinting. The action of intimacy means everything but us as sexually aware entities is taboo in this age. I am grateful for my wonderful and perfect children. I am so proud of them and my children are living prof that I am serious about taking part in securing the healthy part of my heritage.

10 My volunteer work

Every Friday, in 2016, I was teaching information technology to a student with autism. Other than that…I always volunteer to help, even if I have to go out of my way to do so….in my mind, this topic sounds wrong. My thoughts are currently too needy and dirty. If I do not live with my fire twin in a near future, I volunteer and everybody in this somewhat imaginary world, can have me if they want to. I promised my mother she did not have to be scared and that we would meet again. She is in heaven. If my future home is a place full of naked women will I then, when it is my turn, go to hell?