Current relationship status (The I Blog)
My relationship status, Ha. I have been procrastinating to the max to avoid writing this blog but I know I have to. I love deeply and always invest everything that is me, in a relationship. What a seriously stupid thing to do. I refuse never to not love myself a huge load again. We could call it risk mitigation, which is also a competency I have practiced to skill during many years of entrepreneurship. Only a few people have lots of chances, some have several but most people only have one or none at all. I just blew it big time throwing everything in the air well knowing the challenge of catching it all coming down. Me, always being the loner, did not perform at my best in this situation and I’m grateful to have a strong family backbone for support. Some philosophers say that if your fully mentally developed you will not change over time but trauma, such as PTSD, does exactly that no matter how complete you were. I was at the top of my game. As incensed to learn even more as I write this blog in grave pain. My chest hurts and I’m exhausted.. was left hanging eroding over a long time, alone and finally discarded. My relationship ended as one severe human rights violations of sorts. Maybe even eligible for a lawsuit, but I will not do that. After having gone through three costly litigations, all of which I won, I know that it does not matter who is wrong or who is right. Lawsuit would be trolling and unkind. You owe nobody nothing Mr. Toudal, only yourself . Just start living already, why don’t you.
I managed to reside in a long distance relationship, by being the best of friends, waiting for my girl for six odd years. In the end we suffered a bad breakup as I were the horrible option. It is not a first time experience for me as I have lost big before but nothing alike compares. My mind is going bonkers. What is wrong with me. Why am I not enough. Science say I will be heartbroken way into a return ticket from mars. Reflecting on everything, I have major regrets but my story is my burden and my burden alone as such I will not divulge details. It is a bad story on me that both make me look like a total and complete moron but it would also put my x-girlfriend on the spot. She killed me, many times and now all these shitty things eats my mind and my soul griefs to makes my sleep incoherent. I am not jealous guy but very destructive or so it seems. I replay memories. Truths, lies, manipulation and deceit. It flabbergasts me how I could remain at bliss so long. Calm may be a superpower but in hindsight it was really just super stupid to consent to someone who makes it obvious. Good guys never finish, they just slow burn. That is me in life, both professionally and privately. Michael Toudal is the wild black horse in pile of offers, the wild card, the joker, the bad-boy-genious everybody copy, the inventor corporates shadow meet oh the human exploits. All I ever wanted was to love big, feel loved back, belong somewhere and be with someone who gets me. Someone who gets all excited when I asks: ¡Let’s go play! ¿Who wanna build a snowman?
My x had a horrible track record of asshole boyfriends. My mind rests at peace realizing she is happy and that I changed her story. If asked she will have to confess that her x-boyfriend was one of the really good guys. I don’t need a mirror to spot I am a superhero. We mature with damage, not with the years. Life humbles us as we age especially when we realize just how much time we waste on inordinate nonsense. With no rich parents, no handouts, no favors just straight up hustle all day everyday the most important thing every man should know, is what he is willing to die for. I know what I would die for and I did. I took one for the team. Me and my x laughed, cared and lived but just like when you feel a malignant itch coming it helps to expose yourself to new adventures. To be perfectly honest as the humble and timid monkey I am. I feel proud and much like Hiro’s baymax system. I did something great for someone special. Something not many would have committed to, dared to begin nor dreamed see to the end. If it is within my me I will do what it takes, mostly because my mum taught me to stay strong, pursuit dreams and never ever give up.
The damsel-in-distress scenario challenge evokes many emotions and my knights armor was never shining but worn and battered. I saved my damsel for all the right reasons, but in the end it did not matter how I sacrificed myself. As an entrepreneur I was careless and slowly blew away the advantage I had worked so hard to obtain. Thinking she was my arrow, I know now she was not. She taught me to focus through the clishmaclave of my mind but to what extend and at what cost. It is many weeks ago since I last time wrote a blog. Today, as I write this, my left eyebrow is split and my knuckles bleed and hurt. I will get over this. Psychologists write to fix a broken heart you have to let yourself love even more. That is impossible due to my emotional life is mature and I know myself very well. I had the most beautiful and innocent woman. When timing was perfect she choose to post traumatic grow without me. Though not leaving out any scenario I should be true to myself and live by my words even though they came from craziness. Where do you see yourself in five years, then what about 10 or 20. There is no doubt in my mind. I must give my best and most radical invention back to mankind through the open source society. I was designed to create something beautiful and have a list of 50 quite (in)sane ideas I usually pitch to anyone willing to listen but the idea topping the list, I do not. It will take me years to create but no matter my financial status this one will fly both to protect me but mainly to disrupt the existing status quo. The few people who could actually fix this flawed environment are so self righteous they accept being sloth not utilizing talent. Evil is as evil does but the worst of all evil is seeing the right path, choosing to be content with things and do nothing.
This paper town of a planet needs to be awoken. Though my faith challenges me I still hope someone will create some of my ideas even before I do. It is usually as such that if one come up with something, somebody, somewhere else has the exact same idea. Kind of like universal synchronicity. It is always all about the execution and it would make me truly happy to see a sign that our planet is healing if just half of all original ideas of creations plays out. Some of these ideas really don’t cost much and with a little effort could move billions of credits around the system. I have to find home grounds so I will survive until our world levels. Also it was never my responsibility to carry the weight of the world. I vested that burden on myself. Good job f*ng yourself over Mr. Toudal but please continue as you were, life never told you stop (-: