Tag Archives: personal

My relationship status

Current relationship status (The I Blog)

My relationship status, Ha. I have been procrastinating to the max to avoid writing this blog but I know I have to. I love deeply and always invest everything that is me, in a relationship. What a seriously stupid thing to do. I refuse never to not love myself a huge load again. We could call it risk mitigation, which is also a competency I have practiced to skill during many years of entrepreneurship. Only a few people have lots of chances, some have several but most people only have one or none at all. I just blew it big time throwing everything in the air well knowing the challenge of catching it all coming down. Me, always being the loner, did not perform at my best in this situation and I’m grateful to have a strong family backbone for support. Some philosophers say that if your fully mentally developed you will not change over time but trauma, such as PTSD, does exactly that no matter how complete you were. I was at the top of my game. As incensed to learn even more as I write this blog in grave pain. My chest hurts and I’m exhausted.. was left hanging eroding over a long time, alone and finally discarded. My relationship ended as one severe human rights violations of sorts. Maybe even eligible for a lawsuit, but I will not do that. After having gone through three costly litigations, all of which I won, I know that it does not matter who is wrong or who is right. Lawsuit would be trolling and unkind. You owe nobody nothing Mr. Toudal, only yourself . Just start living already, why don’t you.

I managed to reside in a long distance relationship, by being the best of friends, waiting for my girl for six odd years. In the end we suffered a bad breakup as I were the horrible option. It is not a first time experience for me as I have lost big before but nothing alike compares. My mind is going bonkers. What is wrong with me. Why am I not enough. Science say I will be heartbroken way into a return ticket from mars. Reflecting on everything, I have major regrets but my story is my burden and my burden alone as such I will not divulge details. It is a bad story on me that both make me look like a total and complete moron but it would also put my x-girlfriend on the spot. She killed me, many times and now all these shitty things eats my mind and my soul griefs to makes my sleep incoherent. I am not jealous guy but very destructive or so it seems. I replay memories. Truths, lies, manipulation and deceit. It flabbergasts me how I could remain at bliss so long. Calm may be a superpower but in hindsight it was really just super stupid to consent to someone who makes it obvious. Good guys never finish, they just slow burn. That is me in life, both professionally and privately. Michael Toudal is the wild black horse in pile of offers, the wild card, the joker, the bad-boy-genious everybody copy, the inventor corporates shadow meet oh the human exploits. All I ever wanted was to love big, feel loved back, belong somewhere and be with someone who gets me. Someone who gets all excited when I asks: ¡Let’s go play! ¿Who wanna build a snowman?

My x had a horrible track record of asshole boyfriends. My mind rests at peace realizing she is happy and that I changed her story. If asked she will have to confess that her x-boyfriend was one of the really good guys. I don’t need a mirror to spot I am a superhero. We mature with damage, not with the years. Life humbles us as we age especially when we realize just how much time we waste on inordinate nonsense. With no rich parents, no handouts, no favors just straight up hustle all day everyday the most important thing every man should know, is what he is willing to die for. I know what I would die for and I did. I took one for the team. Me and my x laughed, cared and lived but just like when you feel a malignant itch coming it helps to expose yourself to new adventures. To be perfectly honest as the humble and timid monkey I am. I feel proud and much like Hiro’s baymax system. I did something great for someone special. Something not many would have committed to, dared to begin nor dreamed see to the end. If it is within my me I will do what it takes, mostly because my mum taught me to stay strong, pursuit dreams and never ever give up.

The damsel-in-distress scenario challenge evokes many emotions and my knights armor was never shining but worn and battered. I saved my damsel for all the right reasons, but in the end it did not matter how I sacrificed myself. As an entrepreneur I was careless and slowly blew away the advantage I had worked so hard to obtain. Thinking she was my arrow, I know now she was not. She taught me to focus through the clishmaclave of my mind but to what extend and at what cost. It is many weeks ago since I last time wrote a blog. Today, as I write this, my left eyebrow is split and my knuckles bleed and hurt. I will get over this. Psychologists write to fix a broken heart you have to let yourself love even more. That is impossible due to my emotional life is mature and I know myself very well. I had the most beautiful and innocent woman. When timing was perfect she choose to post traumatic grow without me. Though not leaving out any scenario I should be true to myself and live by my words even though they came from craziness. Where do you see yourself in five years, then what about 10 or 20. There is no doubt in my mind. I must give my best and most radical invention back to mankind through the open source society. I was designed to create something beautiful and have a list of 50 quite (in)sane ideas I usually pitch to anyone willing to listen but the idea topping the list, I do not. It will take me years to create but no matter my financial status this one will fly both to protect me but mainly to disrupt the existing status quo. The few people who could actually fix this flawed environment are so self righteous they accept being sloth not utilizing talent. Evil is as evil does but the worst of all evil is seeing the right path, choosing to be content with things and do nothing.

This paper town of a planet needs to be awoken. Though my faith challenges me I still hope someone will create some of my ideas even before I do. It is usually as such that if one come up with something, somebody, somewhere else has the exact same idea. Kind of like universal synchronicity. It is always all about the execution and it would make me truly happy to see a sign that our planet is healing if just half of all original ideas of creations plays out. Some of these ideas really don’t cost much and with a little effort could move billions of credits around the system. I have to find home grounds so I will survive until our world levels. Also it was never my responsibility to carry the weight of the world. I vested that burden on myself. Good job f*ng yourself over Mr. Toudal but please continue as you were, life never told you stop (-:

What tattoos you have and if they have meaning

Have you lived before? One of my recurring dream concepts is events as a gladiator fighting and winning in the arena by swords. I have many tattoos, they all have intimate meaning to me. Maybe it is the pain of undergoing hours of intense stress with the sole purpose to remember something. The tattoo on my right calf of my leg is my most resent tattoo. It was made in Barcelona. The future time of our universe is not written yet, it is only scripted. Sometimes things that take place seems like misfires. I felt deeply about the death of Chris Cornell for reasons I will not disclose. Dark places in my mind are not unfamiliar to me. This time around, I want it to be old age that takes me out. A scientific spaceship as discovery and learning. A mountain as the journey and the challenge. A morning star as every new beginning. I love the cover art of his latest album Higher Truth. To me it is both a reminder to persist and stay vigilant in life and also that life is painful, especially if it is lived right.

My tattoo is turned upside down as I promise never to take my own life unless it is the end.

A place I would live but have never visited

Antarctica would be too rough even for me the great viking I am. A place with whales would be nice or a foreign planet. It could be a fully immersive holodeck. Jumanji would seem fun and work for me these days. Or the tallest building to wait for comment< Michael you wrote you would never visit those countries unless somebody paid you! Just to reply ’cause the Dark Tower is depicted as being over 1,500 meters (5,000 feet) tall to leave the comment corrected. Maybe Wonderland or Tomorrowland or even Neverland as long as I was allowed to remember my family and return to my farm every year to plant smultron.

On my list of things to do before I die are many obvious locations that would be breath taking choices. Living close to the Dolemites with my italian friends from language school would be the BoOM. Jajaja, me this time around not behaving perfectly blind of course. Today is valentines day and nuts sleeping alone not sending candygrams. Ancient Rome would fit the theme as this day in the past may have been much like a sexual Christmas. A place in time would be my choice. If it could be in time, I would want time to loop forever.

10 interesting facts about me

Facts about me

Tomorrow is valentines day the 14. February, 2018. I am online my laptop, in an apartment in Barcelona where I share a flat with two girls. Alex from Spain owns the place and rents out rooms. One room to Flór from Uruguay and another to me. During the past years I have lived with many people from all cultures and made many new friends. Some totally awesome others like….please stop that and my head is spinning and I really need to sleep.

1 My personality

When I got my papers as an I/T techie hacking nerd I applied for a couple of cool jobs within my sector and got them both. My one application was accepted with an invite to go on a weekend workshop in Sweden with a couple hundreds of students fresh out of university. We had to endure various tests in a Disney cast setup to measure how we performed as individuals, and as individuals in different groups. If you were one of the few at the end of the weekend trials, you received a personal assessment report and a job offer. My evaluation stated I was Mickey Mouse. I was so proud to read what the instructors had noticed about me while working in groups. I stayed with IBM for five years as such my personality very much has blue mindset both indulging the corporate chin as a team player as well as excellent individual levels of capacity for empathy and abstraction. Bleh (:

2 My style

Was a suit and a tie, putting decaf in the coffee maker for weeks and once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Always in a state of under construction ordering diet water at restaurants with a serious face and drive-trough orders “To Go”. Even now I look like a battled viking nomad with savvy track record. It is time to revamp Hans Clodhopper. Anyone out there who can tell me if horny is an emotion that would be interested in helping a fellow and go shopping?

3 My hobbies

I have to say imaginary women. I have no hobbies as my hobby has become my job in my life. I work out to keep fit and consider food a form of self respect. In truth, the answer to the question what did you do today, is often what you are passionate about. How a person response to that exact questions, truthful or not, both reflects the agenda and who they really are. Well, I skate a lot and still try to remember to boulder once in a while.

4 My Tamagotchis and other pets

Who says millennial’s can’t handle adult responsibilities? After the tamagotchi toy’s released worldwide, millions bought the digital pets, tiny pixelated pals that needed to be cared for, fed and cleaned up after. How many forgot to love these not so fury loved ones before their batteries eventually ran out? In my adult life I have owned several tamagotchi’s, all of which are gone, and one real life pet. Mojo was my rabbit for 12 years before it got sick and had to be put down. This was a rough day for me. Mojo was my friend and a “tame” wild rabbit, never caged. Mojo was living along side me in my house and was potty trained. Quite early I found a way to break his rabbit instinct to hide stashes of food around the house. It was a great comfort having my friend rabbit running infinity circles around my feet while I was creating applications by writing sourcecode on my workstation.

5 My heroes

Elon Musk took a stand before it was trendy — when in fact it was dangerous. He was one of America’s first young money billionaires from his early entrepreneurial adventures. With one of the largest sum of money in the world i decided to invest it all to change the world. I will not say much other than he is one of our times superheros who stand up for what he believes, he stands for all of us, again and again, despite the odds. In celebration of the man, Meredith Perry is the female counterpart to Elon. Even though she does a lot of business with countries I really dislike, her science and inventions will change the world for the better. Both these two hero’s are next-level activists – man and woman with an unshakable belief that there is a greater good and that it’s worth fighting for. My own vision is to drop in, maybe twenty years from now, and share a little something with everybody. And my invention got dimensions not unlike the thought of an infinity sided dice!

6 My mind

Nibble, Hug, Cuddlefuck, Fuddleplug, Tease, Suck, say> Eye spell> MAP say> Ness, Fuck, IT, Stolen, Tits, Piss, Shit, Ass, Cunt, Pussy, Lick, Gag, Dick and a Stick. Do Once, Do Twice, Do Trice, Do Once Every Waking Hour. Hard, Colors, Kisses, Steamy Wishes, Tips and Toes, Grapes and Berries, Boobs and Buts, Talks, Walks, Respect, Listen, Spoil and Adore, Disciplines, Eyes, Endless, Senseless, Soul, Ride, Convulsion, Own, Moan, Blush.       Repeat.

7 My believes

If our planet have extraterrestrial visitors then the human monkey is a reality show in a far away galaxy and in turn, A.I. is here already. In a off chance that this is actually the truth then Jesus our Savior might be nothing more than a misbehaving alien rich kid, handing out weed and pulling the legs of the monkey. Unlearn what we have learned. That’s the spirit. We are souls of ancient energy, living a human experience. Karma does not exist. That or either I was a really cruel person in a past life or maybe the exception that proves karma does in fact exist. We are all the same, interconnected through our unconsciousness facilitated by our mother entity (Earth, Sun) but unreachable to most of us. If Alexander the Great had not burned down the Library of Alexandria, we would still to this day would have the Bible of Virgin Mary. I do believe the bible is a profound truth but I strongly believe our planet would be in a very different place if her books had been uncovered and studied also.

8 My tendencies

Hard working, optimist, questioning norms, doodling, check-lists, dreaming the impossible while hoping for something real. Check out my bucket-list.

9 My ancestry

It seems to me, our world evolves around greed, lust and anger. This rule is of unpredictable quality and is frankly emotionally-unpleasant. That is why traditions and celebrations are so important to me. Even more so if I had a girlfriend. Our body is a sacred gift, shared or projected, will change the partners life through imprinting. The action of intimacy means everything but us as sexually aware entities is taboo in this age. I am grateful for my wonderful and perfect children. I am so proud of them and my children are living prof that I am serious about taking part in securing the healthy part of my heritage.

10 My volunteer work

Every Friday, in 2016, I was teaching information technology to a student with autism. Other than that…I always volunteer to help, even if I have to go out of my way to do so….in my mind, this topic sounds wrong. My thoughts are currently too needy and dirty. If I do not live with my fire twin in a near future, I volunteer and everybody in this somewhat imaginary world, can have me if they want to. I promised my mother she did not have to be scared and that we would meet again. She is in heaven. If my future home is a place full of naked women will I then, when it is my turn, go to hell?

My first kiss, my first love

My first kiss

Was with a girl from my street growing up. Her name was Kira. We were way too young to know what love was all about and the kiss was friendly and innocent. We were great friends and among other playful memories like who could pie the furthest and playing with her barbies. In this sense she introduced me to how girls and dolls looked without clothes.

My first love

My first love is both a story from my childhood as well as a story from my adult life. In eight grade I fell head over heals in love with a wonderful girl I meet at our local water park. After a short fight for her attention, we became a couple but it only lasted a few months. For me it was a huge. I was quite heartbroken but moved to Texas, U.S.A. to live with a host family. Traveling made me forget.

My marriage

Years later I was happy, content and married with children in what I thought was a rock solid marriage that would last forever. It did not. After 11 years, we decided that we were not going to grow old together. I did not see this coming but I did not get sad. My x-wife knew me well and made sure our breakup was a good thing for both of us and in turn I gave her a fresh start. In many ways I was never in love with my x-wife but to this day she was one of the best thing that every happened to me.

My first love, second time around

Beginning a new life after marriage, the first thing I did was to create a Facebook profile. It was obvious, even back then, Facebook is a perfect dating tool and a way for people to hook up or reach out to those that have their interest, admire or hope to engage in one way or the other. I searched for my first love and by chance I discovered on her timeline she just divorced some guy and wrote her a message. We meet and I was in love again. I should not have contacted her. At this point in time, my life was very chaotic, busy and quite stressful. I scared her away. Among many things, I was traveling a lot negotiating trying to finalizing a deal with a Norwegian conglomerate to take ownership of one of my products. Her breakup devastated me. One Friday we were supposed to go camping over the weekend but she wrote me just hours before I was to pick her up. She had meet someone else at a festival just days before and they were already a thing. Me being in love and having stockpiled big time on survival gear and camping equipment, was suddenly super lost, and felt deprecated and ridiculed. I had been looking forward to this weekend away in nature with someone who, at the time, meant the world to me. I still do want to go on that adventure someday. With my gear unused and in storage for years on end I know somehow somebody will make me breathe air again. This person is adventurous but only with me (:

My earliest memory

My earliest memory

A new science study suggest that forgetfulness and the ability to discard details is not a sign that we are loosing our marbles. Science reveal that you just may have more important things on my mind… literally! It also suggest that forgetfulness may actually be a sign of great intelligence because this kind of subconscious filtering may help cope with change and deal with difficult situations.

My earliest real memory

My earliest real memory is a powerful one full of happiness. I am very young, waking up from a nap, in the garden of my parents house and our family Sct. Bernard is the first thing I see. He is watching me, protecting me, waiting for me to wake up so we can play once more. When he sense my eyes he crawls to me on paws, not touching, just getting closer. I sit up and hug his warm fury face. The feeling was of absolute joy and with a heartbreaking sense of security. I loved that dog and I love animals to this day. My house will eventually be full of life and a hole lot of security for sure.

My earliest fake memory

My earliest fake memory is also powerful but in a very different way. It must be a fake because I am only three months old, tops. This time also a situation waking up but this time I am alone. I cry for help. After a long while a stranger comes up to me, talks some stuff I actually believe I understands and leaves. My mom was an independent jeweler and married to my much absent but hardworking farther. It was a tough thing for her to create and drive her business all while being there for all of us children. I spoke to my mother about this memory as such it might be a fake reality subjected to a pseudo parapsychology with ghosts and other spirits tied to me, in my life. That is an entirely different blog that would best take form as a short story with typically featured entities such as dragons, elves, elementals, fairies, giants, nymphs, griffins, gnomes, goblins and mermaids mixed with other worldly magical beings in a tale staring the cast of the Rick and Morty cartoons.

30 Day Writing Challenge

30 day challenges are very popular these days and since I have decided to blog as if my website had readers, I must seek my uncomfortable zone, and share what I do both on a personal level and as a business person. Basically considering myself a professional brand. Challenging myself does not mean I will commit to new posts every day. It is sole for me to practice writing exactly what i think, feel and believe in a simple and easy to understand format, instead being misunderstood, discarded or simply deemed in a black box.

My business card says inventor and I describe my team as one of the best integrated teams in the world to solve the current project and program engagements at hand, especially considering what we already have accomplished. Sometimes things you do as a hobby end up being what you have to do 24/7 and eradicated anything sweet, this is when a hole variety of troubles start nudging change. It is not that I have not been writing. My writing in 2017 is simply too much as well as concocted at the utmost stretched line of thought based on expectations we have yet to have seen the last Elon Musk substantiate paradigms.

This challenge is not my idea. A friend gave me a push. As you can see many of the topics are quite interesting and I am looking forward writing the next blog and steam on things dislikeable about social media. I really, really dislike the media because they make me uncomfortable and gets me overthinking but god knows I need a tailwind if I’m ever to achieve viral influence to be able to successfully nudge or spread an important message. Be a hero and an awesome human being. Be kind or strong and show gratitude by sharing. Any boost is noticed and we are genuinely appreciated.

Groundhog Day

Today is the 2. February, 2018 and my life experience is not unlike living in ‎Punxsutawney.

Make sure each day is a magical new beginning for the better. There is no past! The only reality is every moment. Stay happy and excited about the best possible multiverse future.

Trust the magic of new beginnings. Though beginnings are just disguised endings and the best time for beginnings is always now. In the end, the beginnings just doesn’t matter. We all try at best, to remember the best version of us..all meanwhile living life spending and wasting hours on feeds and messages roughly based on chance connecting. Even though we are many, we are land orca and to some bad stuff fells good. We all strive, each in our own way, to excel with what we are passionate about. Let’s try and help each other, like families do, every day and at Christmas to make the endings feel right.

Globetrotting…again

My reality is just chapters in a really great book and I will force myself to blog about this crazy challenging life as a seasoned serial entrepreneur. Nobody has ever thanked me for not killing me. I do not fear anything, not even failure. I will regret being the exact same place next year as I am today. But then again, change is constant we can count on. Even though all my current companies are ensured huge financial success, my personal ledger with karma will eventually for sure hit me back.

Searching for Porn?

Billions of searches are crunched each day by popular search engines and social networking websites. It cannot be a surprise to many that the most searched for word on the Internet is porn and with auto-complete, the tool that help round out your research by providing keywords porn+free is the most popular combination. The free part I understand as it is always uncool to have to make a profile to watch your daily fix from pornhubs like Redtube.

In the people section searching your own name, Felix Baumgartner and Pussy Riot have all been high-ranking part of the algorithm that also works to predict search queries in real-time based on your personalized search history and your trail online.

1. porn
2. facebook
3. site:www.nsa.gov headquarters
4. google
5. whats is love/ how do you get it/ how do you find it
6. twitter
7. describe a vagina
8. what is the answer to life, the universe and everything?
9. yahoo
10. define:planking

Porn online. Yes, I explored it. It seems like it existed long before I did and this is just a new interpretation.

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